That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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