She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
