he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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