My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
