The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
