Small penises have feelings too.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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