I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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