She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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