So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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