O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
