I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
