I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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