why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
