i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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