Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
