it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
