sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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