At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
