the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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