I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
we made out on top of his cat.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
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Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
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I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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