u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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