lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
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well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
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My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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