is wine microwaveable?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
