Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
