How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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