Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize