Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
