Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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