Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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