I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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