Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
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He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
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Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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