And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
