Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
