Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
