it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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