The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
