I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
This show inspires me to have sex in space
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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