somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I want her autograph on my taint
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
