the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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