Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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