Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
