i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
