When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
