you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
