So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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