That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
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It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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