dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
