Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
