I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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