How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
