Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
