Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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