Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
