I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
