So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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