she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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