I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
