The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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