I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
