Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Randomize